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Soccer diary

This article is more than 25 years old

Most football clubs know that you cannot pull money from thin air. But not Fiorentina. The latest merchandinsing line to hit the club shop are cans of air from the Artemio Franchi Stadium.

According to the contents list on the label, the cans contain Air of the Terraces, Essence of Victory and Dressing-room Atmosphere.

Let's hope Premiership clubs do not follow suit. Even the most devoted fan would baulk at buying Fragrance of Fried Onions and Bouquet of Police-horse.

It is understood that Dunstable, one of George Best's old clubs, has offered to help in the rehabilitation of another errant player, Stan Collymore, by taking him loan. And in order to make Stan feel at home, the club are temporarily dropping the initial D from its name (thanks, John McDonnell of London).

Paul Jackson, a 13-year-old Sunderland fanatic, was delighted with one particular Christmas present - an official Sunderland AFC ruler bought by his uncle from the club shop.

Paul took it proudly to school to show off to his Newcastle United-supporting mates, until that is, he made a distressing discovery.

On scraping off the Sunderland sticker, Paul's ruler was revealed as a pre-moulded and embossed Newcastle United ruler.

"You'd have thought the end of the world had come," said his dad, Mick. "He'd been taking it to school every day but now it just sits on his desk at home.

"I don't know how it happened. Perhaps Sunderland bought a job lot down Blyth market." Unfortunately, no-one at the Stadium Of Light was able to throw any on the subject.

At least Glenn Hoddle should have no problems choosing five records for Desert Island Discs: Faith by George Michael, Karma Chameleon by Culture Club, My Big Mouth by Oasis, Don't Let me Be Misunderstood by the Animals, and The Times They Are A'Changing by Bob Dylan.

By the way, now Hoddle is searching for a job, presumably he will be looking in the 'situation' vacant column.

Talk of Bobby Robson's possible return as England manager brings back memories of the old boy's on-off relationship with the English language. Asked once what he would like to have been had he not been a manager, Robson replied: "I'd have given my right arm to be a concert pianist."

Moaning foreigners, chapter 99. Allesandro Pistone, now at Venezia, on the last straw at Newcastle: "I no longer had a chance once Ruud Gullit took over. He shunted me into the reserves. When I went to ask him why and not only did he fail to give me an explanation but he answered me in English."

When Attilio Lombardo finally quit Crystal Palace, he left for Lazio with an ungracious swipe at the English weather. "The sunshine I see in Rome I never saw in London," he moaned. "It nearly always rains."

A few smiles then on the faces of Channel 4 viewers last Sunday as Lombardo made his league debut against Bari with the crowd pelting players with snowballs.

John Barnes would like it known that just because he has ended up at the Valley does not mean he is over the hill.

The travel agent handed the task of getting Paulo Di Canio into England quietly before his signing for West Ham came up with a neat solution: he booked the player's flight tickets from Italy under an assumed name: Paul Alcock.

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